Television director Allen Coulter turns to the big screen for the second time, following the success of his 2006 biopic Hollywoodland. The cast is headed up by Pierce Brosnan, Chris Cooper and of course Mr Twilight himself; Robert Pattinson. Remember Me is a story based on the life of fictional character and serial-brooder Tyler Hawkins (Robert Pattinson), and the relationships and events that surround his life at the age of 21. He builds a loving relationship with Ally Craig (Emilie de Ravin) despite, or rather because of, the fact that her father Neil Craig (Chris Cooper) beat Tyler up and threw his ass in jail following a small street brawl. It is a tragedy film which as you probably know, has a shocking twist at the end. In case you don’t know what that twist is yet, I will not give the game away – however those who are paying attention in the cinema may well figure it out before it happens. In case you are thinking back to this review whilst watching the film and thinking ‘wait, I think I know what the twist is… but surely not?!’ then yes, yes that is the twist.
The central character, Tyler, is a moody git. Essentially Pattinson starts drinking and smoking at the movie’s beginning to clearly show the viewer ‘Hey! This isn’t some vampire nice guy! This guy is a bit of a jerk!’ He has no purpose in life and gains no enjoyment out of it whatsoever. His roommate tries to remedy this by taking him out to a nightclub and picking up a couple of hawt chicks. Having successfully achieved this, the foursome head off for sexy times. Unfortunately for all concerned they come across a fight between two pairs of thugs. Tyler tries to restore order only to end up getting him and his roommate arrested along with the four thugs. Though thankfully the two hawt chicks convince the cops that they were only bystanders so they let the innocent parties go and they go home and have sex and live long, happy lives. Except they don’t. Instead of that Tyler stands up for two of the thugs for NO APPARENT REASON and they all end up in jail together. I realize I have gone into too much detail here, but essentially all you need to know is that pretty un-extraordinary things happen to Tyler. He has a well off father who bails him out of trouble and pays for his education. He has every chance of success in life except he fails at life because he is a MASSIVELY MELODRAMATIC MOODY MISERYFACE!
It doesn’t take long for you to lose interest in the main character. He is well off, well loved and white. He has nothing stopping him. Rich people with problems complaining about how tough their life is. Urgh, I really don’t care. Sure, Tyler has genuine reasons to occasionally slip into depression – daddy issues and a dead brother. Essentially he has a dead beat dad, except instead of sitting on his ass drinking and watching television the dad is constantly working in a high stress business environment and is trousering plenty of green – which he spends on his family in a sensible fashion. Oooooooh, he has missed his ten year old daughter’s tuba recital. GET OVER IT. He is working his ass off so his daughter can go off and see the world when she is a young woman rather than stay in her hometown and fondle strangers for spare change like the rest of us – and that’s the lucky ones. Most people have to serve (like a prisoner) idiot customers in shops and get shouted at by their managers in front of strangers because their name tag is wonky. All the humiliation of tossing off a pervert, only in public. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, crack a smile once a while Tyler, you fuck.
So that is what is wrong with the film: the main character is a moody dick; his girlfriend is a miserable cow. I don’t care what happens to them, I just want them to not be on the screen anymore. Everything else with the film is fine – casting, editing, acting, lighting, whatever. There are a few instances which manage to raise emotion out of you, but mostly it is just a constant feeling of resentment towards the main character. Remember him? How could I ever forget him? The prick.